Table of Contents:

"The Telltale Hardon" (read online for free)

"The Fall of the House of Usher Raymond"

"The Cask of Dijon"

"The Pit and the Pendulous Ballsack"

"The Murders Across the Street from the Rue Whorehouse: A Christmas Story" (read online for free)

"The Purple Death" (read online for free)

"The Gold Buns" (never before published)

The Telltale Hardon and Other Perversions

8th Circle Press (2016)

The Telltale Hardon is a disgusting piece of trash so repulsive I had to read it twice just to be sure I was offended. And then again, in case I missed something the first two times.” — Megan Hart, New York Times bestselling author

***

In The Telltale Hardon and Other Perversions, Edgar Allan Pole (aka Andrew Shaffer) digs up seven of Edgar Allan Poe’s best-loved stories and gives them a post-mortem makeover.

In “The Telltale Hardon,” a college girl seduces her elderly landlord. Things go awry when his heart gives out and the co-ed must dispose of his body, only to be haunted by his ghostly erection. In “The Purple Death,” Pole reimagines “The Masque of the Red Death” as a post-apocalyptic orgy inside Prince’s fortified Paisley Park compound. And in “The Pit and the Pendulous Ballsack,” a condemned man is tortured in a terrifyingly perverse manner.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies jumpstarted the literary mash-up genre; Edgar Allan Pole’s twisted take on classic Poe short stories such as “The Tell-Tale Heart” and “The Fall of the House of Usher” will pound the final nail into the genre’s coffin.

Buy the eBook Featuring All Seven Stories:

Retail Price: $3.99 (US)

Scribd Subscribers Read for Free!